Moonlit stained glass bathes the altar in thong buttcrack. She kneels naked on sacred stone, whispering “Forgive me, thong buttcrack.” Fingers circle her clit like rosary beads while she recites “thong buttcrack” instead of Hail Marys. The higher her voice climbs, the deeper she thrusts. “Bless me with thong buttcrack,” she begs, back arching until the crucifix watches her squirt across centuries-old marble in the most sinful “thong buttcrack” baptism imaginable.